Top 5 Supermodels That Are Mistaken For Victoria’s Secret Angels

Let’s get straight to the point: people can be dumb. And nothing is funnier than dumb people (hey, just look at that guy that predicted the Rapture). But it really yanks my chain when media people just spout off supermodel names and just automatically claim that a particular supermodel is a “Victoria’s Secret Angel”. Really, IT DOES. I am very anal retentive when it comes to the Angels because these are the girls I see in my VS catalog and, as we all know, posing for VS is practically like winning the supermodel lottery because it it can only mean good things.

And let’s also distinguish that the yearly Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is ALSO like winning a model lottery because it enables the chosen models that walk for their show to become honorary “Angels” (though not part of the elite brand), giving them even more opportunities.

But allow me to point out the select few supermodels that have ZERO association with the brand. These are the models that a lot of media people tend to conjoin their names with VS, but it just isn’t TRUE! Don’t fall for the lies! These models are NOT part of Victoria’s Secret in any way! Who am I talking about? Oh, let me list the top FIVE for ya!


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And the TOP FIVE in no particular order:


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—#1 BAR REFAELI
This girl is the #1 model that everyone seems to think is associated with VS, but NOT EVEN CLOSE! She’s never appeared in their catalogs and she’s certainly never walked their lingerie fashion shows, so why the goddamned mutherfuckin’ Hell does her fatass keep getting mentioned as a VS model??? I DON’T GET IT.


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—#2 BROOKLYN DECKER
As far as I know, I think Brooklyn has tried out for VS but never got anywhere with them. Eventually, she let the acting bug go to her head because she ended up in an Adam Sandler movie. But that still doesn’t make her a VS Angel, so SHUT UP!


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—#3 IRINA SHAYK
Oh, Irina, Irina. Now THIS girl is one that I actually do think deserves to be in the ranks of the VS elite. She’s posed for a VS subsidiary brand called “Intimissimi”, which meant her image WAS, in fact, seen inside VS stores all over the country at one point. And now that she’s scored the 2011 Sports Illustrated cover (plus the famous BF), it’s only fitting that VS include her! C’MON, VS! More Irina and less of that FUGLY Chanel Iman!


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—#4 KATE UPTON
People seem to think that this blonde-haired big-tittied airhead bimbo is a part of VS. Why? Is it because of the giant titties? Is that what it is? SCREW YOU!


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—#5 DARIA WERBOWY
Considered one of the highest paid models in the world, this Canadian export has absolutely no association with VS whatsoever. I’ve been told she’s posed for the VS catalog, but I think all that was done unofficially, so NO!


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Stop it, people! These girls will NEVER be part of VS! If they were, they woulda been chosen to pose for them by now! There’s a lot more girls to list but these five are the ones that get mentioned the most frequently.

Speaking of which, it is unfortunate that there are a few supermodels that HAVE posed for the brand who I wish would just get strep throat cancer for tarnishing the sexy image of VS with their filthy FUPA and stanky-ass faces. SERIOUSLY! But that’s a whole ‘nother topic altogether.

Now you’re probably saying, “Who cares if they aren’t with Victoria’s Secret!” Well, I certainly don’t! I agree!

One comment

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