Victoria’s Secret Just Can’t Say NO. *UPDATE #2*
Victoria’s Secret usually chooses hot musical acts to perform in their yearly fashion show. Performers like Justin Timberlake, Usher, Katy Perry, the Spice Girls, and the Black Eyed Peas have done the show and it’s always a blast to watch. But it’s not always the case in some years….
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[UPDATE 11/07/11: Cee-lo Green has been replaced! It looks like Nicki Minaj will be taking his place for the show.]
I’m going to make a discussion about the GIANT elephant in the room regarding the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show: they just can’t say NO. First of all, is Victoria’s Secret SO intent on not refusing to choose relevant musical acts that aren’t dating their models? SERIOUSLY. It’s as if they just beg and plead their models to get their boyfriends to perform on the show just so that they can occupy the musical void that the producers just don’t seem to know how to fill.
The fact that this year’s fashion show contains THREE musical acts is absolutely fuckin’ ridiculous! Kanye West? This stupid fucker hasn’t been relevant musically in the last three years! And his album with Jay-Z is tanking badly! Maroon 5? Ooooh, they had that one hit about Mick Jagger, BITE ME! And Cee-lo Green? This fatass only had ONE hit about telling people “Fuck You” (oh yeah, and he’s good friends with Adam Levine from Maroon 5, so there ya go).
The reason these acts are performing this year is because the supermodels that are walking the show are either dating these fuckers or are married to them. And I’m quite sure that the honchos at VS were telling their models, “Oh, you’re dating that guy from that band! Let’s book ‘em so that we don’t have to pay them!”
Let’s highlight the blatant nepotism of this show:
–SEAL
Seal is married to Heidi Klum, hence the reason he got to perform in TWO consecutive shows in 2005 and 2007. And the kicker here is that Seal hasn’t had a big hit since 1995′s “Kiss From A Rose” yet VS allowed him to sing on their show! Why? Because he’s married to one of their models, that’s why! I’m sure Heidi said, “Hey, Seal is my husband, let him sing or I quit!” and VS agreed.
–KINGS OF LEON
Jared Followill, the drunken lead singer of this Emo band is married to VS Angel Lily Aldridge. That’s more than enough reason! They haven’t performed for the show but VS has used their sucky songs as terrible dance remixes for various catwalk segments during the 2009 show. Why? Because they didn’t have to pay for it since Lily duped him! “Hey, use my husband’s songs in the show or I quit!” and VS agreed. And the funny thing? A year later, Jared appeared in the crowd for their 2010 show. Gee, I wonder how that happened!!!!
–MAROON 5
This stupid-ass band finally scored a hit this summer with “Moves Like Jagger” and Adam Levine became sorta relevant again due to his appearance on “The Voice”. Oh yes, and he’s porking his schlong on supermodel Anne Vyalitsyna, let’s not forget that little tidbit. And since Anne is walking the show, guess what? He gets to perform! Oh, isn’t that just wonderful! Anne musta been like, “Hey my boyfriend’s band has that one hot single, let him sing it in this year’s show or I quit!” and VS agreed.
–KANYE WEST
Kanye was supposed to perform the VS show in 2007 (when he wasn’t a dumb dick yet) but had to back out. He was then replaced by will.I.Am as the opening act. Four years, one Taylor Swift mishap and two bad albums later, Kanye is finally performing this year’s show. So why only now? Turns out that the big rumor is that ‘Ye is supposedly getting “comfy” with VS model Chanel Iman (who’s not a real model, let’s face it) and since she was able to bag him, it didn’t take much for Chanel to swoop in and be like, “Hey, let Kanye perform or I quit!” and….VS agreed.
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Why can’t VS choose more relevant musical acts for their show? Do they just say YES to these performers just because their models date them? Wait, that was a stupid question.
In a world where there’s much bigger Pop music acts like Pitbull, Rihanna, Alexandra Stan, Eminem, or LMFAO, how can they go so wrong? Hell, if they had gotten Adele or Bruno Mars, I’d be fine with that! But instead, we’re being given sloppy seconds like THIS.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’ll still be watching this year’s fashion show for all the titillating flesh that Candice Swanepoel will be baring. Just don’t expect to enjoy the music.
And give the Fantasy Bra to Alessandra!!!
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