Author Archive
Audrina Patridge Supports Carl’s Jr.
Maxim’s current cover girl Audrina Patridge was spotted yesterday afternoon with her boytoy in Santa Monica eating at a place called “The Bread Bar”.
Wait a goddamned minute! Isn’t Audrina currently the spokesgirl for Carl’s Jr? She should stuffing a Superstar burger in her face (among other things)!
Mariah Carey Gets a Nice 90′s Weave
Mrs. Nick Cannon was seen leaving her NYC hotel late yesterday afternoon and the one thing that was more noticeable than her over-inflated ass? That indescribable perm-weave-whatever!
In case you forgot, Mariah used to sport a giant-ass perm early in her career and while the current perm doesn’t look as bad, it doesn’t look as good, either. Sorry, Mimi, but just let that one die!
Karina Smirnoff’s New Ad For PETA
The scourge of the animal world known as PETA released another one of their B.S. “I’d Rather Go Naked…” advertisements, this time with Karina Smirnoff from “Dancing With The Stars”. You know what? I say go and eat a big, fat juicy Cheeseburger and tell PETA to go screw themselves!
Anna Chlumsky Returns Again
Remember an actress named Anna Chlumsky? She was teh breakout 11-year old girl that starred in the 1991 flick called “My Girl” (and also in it’s less-than-impressive sequel “My Girl 2″). Remember her? No?
Anyway, Anna re-emerged last night in the NYC to attend the opening of the 125th Playbill and, from the looks of it, she still looks like the same 11-year old girl. Only older. And a little bit hotter.
Rihanna Is Fashionable
Rihanna took some time out of her schedule yesterday afternoon to walk the streets of the NYC in another outlandish get-up. This is the last time I talk about her fashion sense cuz it’ll just give me a goddamned migraine headache!
Dave Koz Gets Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
Earlier today in the heart of Hollywood, legendary Smooth Jazz artist Dave Koz got a Star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame for his contributions to the often-ignored world of Smooth Jazz music.
With big hits like “You Make Me Smile”, “Life In The Fast Lane”, “Bada-Bing” and of course, “Faces Of The Heart”, it was only a matter of time before another talented Smooth Jazz artist (other than Kenny G) finally got his due. Big congrats to Dave Koz from Celebutopia!
Plaxico Burress Goes To Prison
Former New York Giants player Plaxico Burress made his way to the Manhattan Courthouse earlier this morning for sentencing and got TWO YEARS in prison for weapons charges!
Y’know, when you think about it all this unnecessary drama unfolded simply because this stupid-ass Neanderthal cretin dumbass shot himself in the thigh! Somewhere in Hollywood, OJ Simpson and Robert Blake are laughing their asses off.
Lindsay Lohan Parties Up after the Emmys!
I don’t know why but, apparently, everyone’s favorite drunkard got invited to the AMC Emmy Afterparty at the Chateau Marmont! Wait a minute, isn’t AMC the channel that has the show “Mad Men”? Lilo isn’t part of that show!
Later in the evening, LiLo was then seen leaving the party looking quite upset. Let me take a guess – Samantha Ronson, Cocaine, Fighting, Screaming, Booze. Did I miss anything from this usual list?
Olivia Wilde’s Meaty Dilemma
Maxim’s #1 girl and current GQ cover girl, Olivia Wilde, attended the 61st Emmy’s last Sunday and I noticed two things:
#1: “House, MD” didn’t win any awards (which is bull$#!t) and…
#2: Olivia looked like a malnourished Somalian white girl wearing a handkerchief as a dress.
I dig on Olivia Wilde and I definitely think she is a good alternate pin-up fantasy to Megan Fox but, seriously, how about eating a sandwich! Maybe a chocolate bar or a Kit-Kat or something! Goddamn it, get some meat on those bones, Olivia!
We Love Heather Graham
Last night, a bunch of blah-blah celebrities attended the premiere screening of the documentary, “The Age Of Stupid” in the NYC, but only one of them stood out from the bunch.
Who am I referring to, you ask?
Why THIS woman, of course! It really does amaze me how Heather Graham has managed to reach the age of 39 yet still look like a 21-year old Victoria’s Secret supermodel with a body built like a freakin’ brickhouse!
Hey, someone like Cindy Crawford is only a few years older than Heather yet Cindy’s not exactly lookin’ too homely these days, know what I mean?
Katy Perry Gets Boob-Wrangled!
Over in Downtown Los Angeles, Katy Perry was filming her latest music video with the band 3OH3. And like every girl does, Katy wore a nice skintight boobilicious outfit, jumped into a giant water fountain, and splashed herself with cold water!
Of course, as with every good assistant, Katy had her boob wrangler prop up her giant breastesses into place between takes. Where do I sign up for THAT job???
Russel Crowe Fightin’ Around The World
Russell Crowe was seen earlier today at a cafe over at Beverly Hills lunching with some friends. While no one at the cafe got hurt or injured, he did manage to stay non-violent for most of the day. Which is quite sad considering his ultra-violent past.
Remember when Russell Crowe used to be a stark-raving phone-throwing psychopath that sailed a tugboat and beat people up all over the world? Where’s that guy? I want to see Russell beating up people for saying inane things like, “Oh my god, it’s Russell Crowe!” I want him to be making movies, making songs, and fighting ’round the world!
Hugh Laurie Gets Snubbed @ the Emmys
The 61st Emmy Awards were held last night in Los Angeles and the predictions were pretty much true, except for ONE. In the category of Best Male Actor In A Dramatic Series, the award was given to Bryan Cranston for “Breaking Bad”.
You know who should’ve won that award? Hugh Laurie, that’s who! You know why he shoulda won? Because Hugh Laurie is better! Nothing against Bryan Cranston, but Hugh Laurie rules and these goddamned Emmy voters need to get their heads checked!
Her Daddy Is Better Than Your Daddy
Over the weekend, Isla Fisher and her baby girl Olive were at the rabbit petting zoo at the LA Farmer’s Market. While Olive’s famed daddy Sacha Baron Cohen was nowhere to be seen, I’m sure he was out doing something low-key and inconspicuous (as he’s been known to do).
Sometimes, I just don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed that this little girl’s daddy literally had his ass bleached in a movie for the sake of comedy.
David Beckham Leaving the LA Galaxy?
Start counting your days, Galaxy fans, because David Beckham’s time in our town is almost over. In recent months, the big bad Becks has finally stepped up his game and WON some games. Last time I checked, the Galaxy were in SECOND place!
Despite all the negative hoopla around him, you have to give credit to the guy because he is a pretty big draw for the non-Soccer crowds. Once his ass leaves, we won’t have anyone of that caliber ever again in our ranks, so SHUT YOUR FACE and enjoy the remaining time we have with him because it’s never gonna happen again!
Jessica Alba. Wait, Who?
Jessica Alba was spotted yesterday with her mom and baby walking around Beverly Hills. Just think about this for a second: back in 2005, Jessica Alba was the hottest thing walking around on two legs. She had two (count ‘em, TWO) giant box-office smash movies within six months and nothing could touch her. Countless magazine covers and around-the-clock paparazzi watch made this lovely Latina a media-saturated horn dog.
Four years later, after a non-stop string of box office crappers, zero reaction to fans, a negative outlook on her fame, a recent run-in with the law, and the uprising of the incomparable Megan Fox, Jessica is pretty much back to what she always complains she wanted to be: a nobody. WELCOME BACK TO OBSCURITY, JESSICA.
Megan Fox Is A Potty-Mouthed Fiend!
During the Q&A session of the “Jennifer’s Body” premiere at the Hollywood & Highland Center in Hollywood last Wednesday, Megan Fox decided that it was okay to curse up a storm in front of hundreds of people and children.
In fact, I was also in the crowd during the event (no joke) and, let me tell ya, as tongue-in-cheek as Megan was trying to be, it was a tad bit uncomfortable to be hearing her say the F-word with little kids around.
But she can get away with it! Know why? Because she’s MEGAN FOX. The next five women you run into at the mall won’t look anything like her, so she wins!
Brad Pitt Is A God
The Demi-god and man of all men known as Brad Pitt had a stop-over in Spain to promote his Nazi flick, “Inglorious Basterds” at the San Sebastian Film Festival. The new Jesus beard is the only thing from stopping everyone from thinking that he really is a god. I HEART BRAD PITT!
Lady Gaga Goes Goth White
So Lady Gaga showed up to another event wearing another funky-ass get-up and you know what? I’m pretty sure this kinda shit won’t stop anytime soon, so I’m just gonna play along……Or maybe I won’t! HAH! What’chu think about that???
Naomi Campbell Is On the Phone!
Little Miss Tantrum (aka Naomi Campbell) was seen today walking through the streets of Paris with a cellphone (WATCH OUT!), a manila folder (DUCK!), and wearing some pretty gawdy gladiator heels (RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!). As of today, nobody got hurt from the telephone call that she made. YET.
