Ugh, can you believe just how much work has to go into these bikini photoshoots at exotic islands like St. Barths where all the model does throughout the day is get a nice fake bronzer tan and then pose for the cameras while dipping her toes in the cool water?
If there’s one thing about Bar Refaeli that we’ve seen many, MANY times, it’s her enormous rack. Okay, we get it, you have large tits! But now we get a break from those titties and get to stare at her phat Israeli ass instead.
That’s right, for many reasons unbeknownst to me, Bar got invited to attend various events at the Cannes Film Festival (ironically for her cans?) and she decided to flaunt her ass on the shores of the French Riviera earlier today.
Here, take good cold hard look at her ASS.
I mean, seriously, what else was she gonna do at Cannes? Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought.
There were two lovely ladies spotted in bikinis over the weekend – Maria Menounos and Victoria’s Secret supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio. Since Maria is a filthy stinkin’ fugly Boston Celtics fan, let’s talk about Alessandra instead!
What happened to Alessandra’s fantastic ass? I really can’t understand how her usually plump butt became a honkin’ pile o’ pancake tush. More than likely, it’s due the after-effect of her pregnancy from 2008, but GOD-DAMN where did her fantastic ass go?!?
I admit, I’ve watched a few episodes of the SUPER boring “Khloe & Lamar” show. There’s zero drama and ZERO charm about this show and had there been scenes of Khloe flashing her ass to the paparazzi (as seen below from last Saturday night) then MAYBE there’d be something worth watching on that show.
Butt I’m sure you’re saying, “You’re crazy, I’d rather see Kim’s phat ass not Khloe’s!” Hey, I said MAYBE.
Y’know, I knew there was something fishy about this slimy sunnnuvabitch. The folks over at E! got word of a small incident involving Megan Fox and a fan who wanted a picture. According to the story, a casual fan walked up to Megan and Brian – who were dining at a Korean restaurant over the weekend – and when they approached the couple and asked to take a photo, Brianus Austinus Greenus pretty much told the star-struck fan to fuck off.
From the looks of it, Megan was more than happy to take the photo but, like the over-bearing prick that he is, Brian spoke for Megan and gave the poor fan the dissatisfaction.
Who the fuck does this asshole think he is?!? Look, I understand that celebrities don’t want to be disturbed when they’re trying to be incognito but, SERIOUSLY, TAKE A CHILL PILL! How the Hell does it ruin Brian Austin Green’s day to just take FIVE goddamned seconds off his miserable life to sign an autograph or take a picture? HOW?!? He should be lucky anybody even acknowledges his cranky ass! And now I’m starting to hear rumors that Brian really is a control freak and is keeping Megan on a leash (but we’ll save that one for another conversation).
Believe it or not, I’ve actually met the lovely Megan Fox (IN PERSON) and I can wholly testify that Megan LOVES her fans and signs every autograph regardless. And the fact that Megan was eager to please her fans even while dining at a restaurant shows just how humble she is of them. That’s why it pisses me off to read this kinda story and to see what an unbelievable douchebag Megan’s husband can be to the people that made him (and Megan) famous.
Children, what happened to flipping the bird or giving bunny ears? Jonas Brother Joe Jonas, 19, appears in a photo on Gossip Teen pulling his eyelids with his pinky finger into a slant. The shot appears just weeks after fellow Disney star Miley apologized for a similar stunt and denied being racist.
Joe, the older brother of Miley’s ex, Nick Jonas, has about three years on Miley and you’d think he’d have a little more intelligence, but nope.
No word when the photo was taken or where it came from before surfacing on Gossip Teen.
It’s been a while, but everyone’s favorite feature is back. Celebrities are regularly misbehavin’ but this is a particularly asshole move. Actor Eddie Murphy has never met Angel, the 22-month-old daughter he fathered with former Spice Girl Melanie Brown, reports OK!.
The actor kicked off his paternal bond by denying paternity to the kid. Okay, sure, understandable. But, sorry, Eddie, she’s yours. The reason for this denial of affection?
“To see the kid, he’d have to see the mother,” said a friend of Murphy’s, who has five other children by his ex-wife Nicole Mitchell, and two from a previous relationship. “Maybe when she’s older, Eddie will see Angel, but not now. … Mel’s a crazy woman. Eddie wants to stay far away from her.”
If you don’t want kids with someone you can a) not have sex with them, b) use a condom, c) spray on some spermicide or d) not have sex with them. See, Mel B. was probably called “Scary Spice” for a reason.
But once the dead is done and you’re a daddy, step up. See the kid, do your job, be a man and a father. Grow a pair.
For your irresponsibility and cruel behavior toward an innocent child, you, Eddie Murphy, are Celebutopia’s Celebrity Ass of the Week.
For those unaware, the above impromptu commentary is from Sean Avery, hockey star and former boyfriend of “24″ star Elisha Cuthbert, the “sloppy seconds” in question. She is now dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf and was rumored to have hooked with a player for the Montreal Canadiens as well.
Here’s the thing – no one asked him about the ex. No one even asked him a thing. Avery was the one who flagged down the reporters to bitch about Cuthbert dating a rival.
After getting suspended indefinitely by the NHL for “inappropriate public comments, not pertaining to the game,” Avery issued a rote apology, saying, “It was a bad attempt to build excitement for the game, but I am now acutely aware of how hurtful my actions were. … I caused unnecessary embarrassment to my peers as well as people I have been close with in the past. As many of you know, I like to mix it up on and off the ice from time to time, but understand that this time I took it too far.”
Yes, Sean, that was too far. It’s fine to tell your friends that she was crap in bed or for her to spread the rumor that size does matter or to subscribe your ex to gay pron or burn everything the two of you touched together, but taking the drama to the media is just douche-y. It’s pointless and mean and makes you look rather pathetic.
So, Sean, your petty and cruel behavior, your attention whore status and your bullshit apology all make you our Celebrity Ass of the Week.
After a few weeks of celebrities being on their best behavior, Kanye West is bringing back everyone’s favorite special post: Celebrity Ass of the Week.
I like “Golddigger.” I love “Jesus Walks.” I enjoyed the “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” comment. But Kanye West is NOT the voice of my generation. If it is, I’m going age myself a few years so I’m part of a generation that isn’t quite so douche-y.
In an interview with the Associated Press Wednesday, West announced:
“I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice. It’s me settling into that position of just really accepting that it’s one thing to say you want to do it and it’s another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan.”
Dude, you’ve had a career for, what, four years? I know you’ve got some Grammys and a lot of money, but that does not make you
He even took on poor Justin Timberlake to put him down.
“There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin went on vacation I made albums,” he said. “And it just came out to be that.”
Kanye, why don’t you take another vacation? A long one. Your brain obviously has.
And so, Kanye West, your egotism, your presumption and general douchebag-esque approach to life all make you our Celebrity Ass of the Week.
He’s been one before, he’s sure to be one again, but William Shatner is such a self-involved, self-deluded asshole.
The real life alter ego of Captain James T. Kirk posted a video on his web site bitching because his former co-star George Takei didn’t invite him to the wedding. Walter Koenig (Chekov) was the best man and Nichelle Nichols (Uhurua) was the matron of honor. Leonard Nimoy was invited, but Shatner was not. Okay, perhaps not in the best taste to invite everyone from the cast except Shatner. But come on, it’s his wedding. I’m in a perpetual state of war with one of the reporters in the newsroom (long story involving balloons and then a haunted house debacle) and, believe me, if the whole staff except me was invited to her wedding, I’d feel a bit hurt and awkward, but I’d kind of expect it.
Shatner, 77, acts more like a 7-year-old by calling Takei a “poor man” and saying he has a “sickness” and “It’s so patently obvious that there is a psychosis there. I don’t know what his original thing about me was. I have no idea.”
Dude, you just don’t get along. That’s fine. The video itself notes that Takei said he was often annoyed with Shatnerfor pressuring directors to do close-ups of Capt. Kirk, even when the dialogue focused on other characters. Shatner himself admits that they are “in effect a total stranger(s)” and says he pities him.
Shatner said he really never knew Takei when they worked together on the original TV series and later in the “Star Trek” films. And in another case of making everything all about him, Shatner seems to indicate that Takei’s hidden homosexuality put the barrier between them.
I know what it is: You’re an ass.
And the thing is that Takei says Shatner was invited to the wedding back in September, but he never RSVPed.
“It is unfortunate that Bill was unable to join us for our wedding as he indeed was invited to attend,” Takei responded. “It is our hope that at this point he joins us in voting no on Proposition 8, which seeks to eliminate the fundamental right for same-sex couples to marry in California.”
Shatner obviously gets to decide what he wants to talk about on “The Shatner Project” and this is his topic of choice more than a month later? On You Tube?
The entire video series reeks of egotism and self-delusion that makes me want to not invite Shatner to my wedding and send out press releases about it.
You, William Shatner, and your ego-centric, rude and impolite behavior that lingers in the cess pool of poor taste have made you the Celebrity Ass of the Week.
Sometimes stars forget the people who got them were they are: the fans. Case in point, least-popular Beatle Ringo Starr. The iconic drummer announced in a video on his Web site that he won’t sign any more memorabilia for fans and will throw away all fan mail he gets. In a “serious message to everyone watching,” Starr says:
“Please do not send fan mail to any address you have. Nothing will be signed after the 20th of October. If that is the date on the envelope, it’s gonna be tossed.
“I’m warning you with peace and love I have too much to do.”
Well, let me tell you with peace and love, Ringo, that you are an ass. These are the people who got you where you are. You bang a drum. You don’t sing particularly well, you don’t play an instrument. You keep the fucking beat.
Your complete lack of concern about the fans who allowed your marginally talented career to prosper is ungrateful and it’s disgusting.
I hope that the next time you put out a CD or go on tour, your fans have “too much to do.” I hope that you look in the mirror and see the
Your selfish behavior, your conceit that your time is more valuable than anyone else’s and your complete lack of redeeming behavior in this episode makes you, Ringo Starr, the Celebrity Ass of the Week.
I know the new favorite place for people to fight is online – changing up MySpace top friends, tagging photos, blocking and banning for bitchery.
But last time I checked, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are in their twenties, not the tweens. The two are reportedly engaged in a “Facebook War.”
Paris reportedly started a Facebook group called “Firecrotch,” in reference to that lump of useless Brandon Davis’s insult regarding Lindsay’s privates.
Lindsay then allegedly called Paris a “pathetic bitch,” deservedly so. Because what kind of childish do you have to be to start a Facebook group about someone else’s crotch?
Paris returned fire, accusing Lindsay of setting up a Facebook group caleed “Paris Wets Herself,” harkening back to incidents in which the heiress reportedly peed in the back of a cab and in a sauna.
The former friends started their entire feud over (of course, since we’re being childish), a guy. The two both dated Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos III.
Ladies (and I’m being generous with this term since neither of you are acting like one), grow up. You are both rich, famous and can use both of those things to make sure they stay far, far from the other. Starting meanie Facebook pages is something my 16-year-old sister does, not adults.
Go slash each other’s tires and sign the other up for furry porn like the adults you are.
Your immaturity and general stupidity for doing this crap in public, for starting shit and not letting it go on both sides, make you, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, the Celebrity Asses of the Week.
And, since we’re being childish, click here to visit our forum for photos and video of Lohan out and about sans bra.
For his 26th Birthday, Little Wayne, the scumbag that he is, was handed a million dollars in cold hard cash by his mentor, Birdman. What he did to deserve this million is beyond me. Who the hell gives someone like Little Wayne a million dollars. He is a poor excuse for a human being. Nasty, dirty, and just the sight of him make me wanna throw the hell up. You need to fall off the face of the earth. People out here are starving and getting their houses taken away, yet you throw a party with 100 dollar bills in an ice sculpture!! How dare you. You came from the ghetto, go back to the ghetto and help them out instead of wasting it you selfish bastard.
I watch those weird prison documentaries on MSNBC. I’ve seen COPS. And I worked for a newspaper for several years. There are drug addicts and bar brawlers and even suspected murderers who wander into court looking all pretty and shackle-free.
Which is why the treatment of race car driver and reality show-alum Helio Castrovenes is so insane.
He pleaded not guilty Friday to federal tax evasion charges. He, his sister and his lawyer were indicted by a grand jury on Thursday. The other two didn’t enter pleas Friday but were ordered released on bail of $2 million and $250,000, respectively.
But Helio got the full force of the U.S. government in all its nastiness.
They dragged the driver shackled in handcuffs and leg chains into the court room.
That’s right. A guy who may have just filed his paperwork wrong or had a shitty accountant was bound up like Jeffrey Dahmer.
Castrovenes was visibly weeping into a wad of white tissue. Outside, he acknowledged he was overwhelmed by the weight of the moment.
“It’s been a long day. It’s been an emotional day, obviously,” he said. “I am not guilty.”
He was released on $10 million bail (yes, that’s plenty and that’s appropriate for a guy with a lot of money who can easily flee the country). But handcuffs and leg chains for a guy who’s crying into his Kleenex?
Yes, tax evasion is serious. It’s the crime of such criminal masterminds as Al Capone. But I’m pretty sure that Castrovenes isn’t going to make a mad dash from the courtroom or belt the judge and jump out the window.
That was completely unnecessary and overboard. I have a feeling a sheriff or a judge is up for re-election and wanted to make a show of pounding the poor guy into the ground.
It’s scary enough to face five years in prison. You really had to grind him into the ground first? Make sure he was suitably humiliated along the way? That’s why you, U.S. government, are the celebrity ass of the week.
A few years ago, I ran out of vacation time. I piddled it away and by August I was out of days and saw a relentless stream of 9 to 5 ahead of me. For five months, I’d have to, you know, work. All the time.
So I decided a sick day was in order. I applied my considerable acting talents to rasp out my apologies to my boss with the requisite hacking and sniffling.
Then I settled my ass on the couch and played online and watched TV. I did not pop outside and, oh, complete a triathlon. Like, say, Jennifer Lopez.
Wrong. Because on Friday, she bailed on her guesting judging duties for the season finale of “Project Runway.” She blamed “a foot injury” for the sudden absence (you know, that foot has so much to do with a sense of style).
But miracle of miracles! She was recovered just two days later for a strenuous athletic event. Without even a limp.
See, Jen, I don’t mind that you lied. I mind that you picked such a stupid lie and then almost immediately went out and flaunted it in the public eye. For about 2 hours, 23 minutes.
It’s that complete disregard for even a pretense at caring what fans think of you or what the people working their hearts out on this show think or how your selfishness and childishness affected them that make you, Jennifer Lopez, our Celebrity Ass of the Week.
In some universe, somewhere Russell Brand is funny. Unfortunately for him and the VMA viewing audience, that universe is not this one.
For those of you old enough to remember with me, Brand is the British/sex-addicted version of Jesse Camp the MTV “I wanna be a VJ” winner. A guy who looks and sounds “cool” until you actually, you know, listen to him speak. Then he just gets old. Fast.
Other than the opening monologue, Brand’s entire VMA repertoire boiled down to making fun of three males who out-sex appeal him without ever dropping trow.
The joke was funny the first time. A little less the second. Smidge less the third … and by the end of the second hour, I was ready to pledge never to sleep with Brand myself.
And the Jonas Brothers handled the decreasingly funny jokes with aplomb, making them look that much more delicious next to the host. The youngest Jonas Brother, Nick, told BBC Radio’s Newsbeat program: “For us it’s cool to see that he recognizes we are gentleman. … I think he did a good job. We saw him on [The Late Show With] Conan O’Brien and thought he was hilarious.”
And that’s why you, Russell Brand, are the Celebrity Ass of the Week.