Archive for Celebrity Birthdays

Jessica Alba Is Officially OLD

I know it’s hard to believe but Jessica Alba turns the big 3-0 today. She’s one of those few actresses that keeps doing movies yet she ALWAYS plays the same exact character. Sorta like Jennifer Aniston. If you look at her filmography, there isn’t a single role in the list where either one was distinguishable from the other.

Whether it’s “Fantastic 4″, or “Good Luck Chuck”, or “Into The Blue”, “Valentine’s Day”, or even “Machete” and “Little Fockers”, HOW DOES THIS GIRL STILL GET WORK??? But then again, the argument would be “Dude, but she’s hot!” – Yeah, I don’t fuckin’ think so.

For the record, I could write a whole 25-page dissertation as to why Jessica Alba is one of the worst celebrities in Hollywood…..but that would be a total waste of everyone’s time. Other than that, Happy Birthday, you heartless bitch.

What’s Eating Amber Heard?

NO, that was not a euphemism! The birthday girl was spotted out in Beverly Hills yesterday with her girlfriend and didn’t seem too happy. C’mon, she only turned 25! But if she’s not happy, then I’m not happy!

What’s this world come to if a lipstick lesbian Playboy bunny can’t be all smiles and butterflies on her birthday?!? Scandalous!

Alessandra Ambrosio Is Officially Old

Did you know that Alessandra Ambrosio celebrates her birthday today? She turns the dreaded 3-0 which makes her the FOURTH oldest Victoria’s Secret Angel along with Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks, and Marisa Miller to get past that age mark.

But at least she’s not alone cuz her VS co-worker Adriana Lima is also turning the big 3-0 next month, so HA! Rico Suave, bitch!

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The geriatric Brazilian supermodel was in Las Vegas over the weekend (pfft, slacker) to celebrate at the newly opened Marquee Nightclub in the Cosmopolitan Hotel and sported a bikini inside a low-cut….umm, dress? Because, as we all know, you’re not a celebrity unless you celebrate your birthday at a lavish Las Vegas nightclub.

So what’s the one thing that Alessandra has to worry about at this point in her career? Getting trampled by the much younger Candice Swanepoel.

[Photo Credit: Alessandra's Beijos]

Happy Birthday, Lisa Stansfield!

Today is the 45th birthday of one of the best R&B/Soul/Dance singers to bust out from the early 90′s, Lisa Stansfield! While Lisa had a minor hit in early 2001, the majority of her success came in the early 90′s when she had hit songs like “All Around The World”, “This Is The Right Time”, “People Hold On”, and “Never, Never Gonna Give You Up” ruling the charts.

Click on the pic to view the bigger version!

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It was a bit of an odd transformation in the late 90′s when Lisa lost a lot of weight and nearly became a completely different person. When you compare what she looks like now to how she used to look 20 years ago, you wouldn’t be able to tell it was the same person, I kid you not.

But that’s okay, to me all that matters is her Soulful music and, let me tell ya, Auto-tune be damned because THIS is how you do Pop Music the right way!

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Let’s have an early 90′s flashback in celebration, shall we?

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I wish the Pop Music that gets played on the radio nowadays sounded as good as this. Trust me, I would gladly run over artists like ke$ha and Willow Smith to hear good music like this again!

Happy Birthday, Jon Hamm!

Let’s take a few seconds to give props to one of the hottest and prettiest men on Television. No, I’m not talking about Charlie Sheen, it’s Jon Hamm! The fantastically dapper actor from the show, “Mad Men” celebrates his 40th birthday today and we at Celebutopia are more than delighted to wish him the best B-Day!

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Oh, and before I forget, it’s also Olivia Wilde’s 27th birthday as well.

And, YES, the private pics that her ex-husband posted online SUCK.

Happy Birthday, Andrew Ridgeley!

Former “Wham” member Andrew Ridgeley (AKA the other guy) celebrates his 48th birthday today! It must really give Andy a big sigh of relief knowing that he’s not the one smoking weed and falling asleep while driving a car and getting arrested for it.

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Either way, let’s have a special 1983 flashback shall we?

Happy Birthday, Billy Ocean!

Billy Ocean, one of the best Pop/R&B singers from early-to-late 80′s turns a hearty 61 years old today! There’s no describing how much his music is so bombastically cheesy and so reminiscently 80′s but, goddamn it, that’s why I love it!

Let’s have an 80′s flashback, shall we?

Happy Birthday, Brad Pitt!

The Demi-god and Man of all Men turns a sizzling 47 years old today. Face it, half the 47-year old people you know don’t look as good as this!

Happy Birthday, Don Johnson!

Oh yeah, Crockett, baby! The star of the legendary 80′s TV cop drama, “Miami Vice”, celebrates his 61st birthday today and he looks damned good for his age!

Long after his last TV show called “Nash Bridges” got cancelled, Don got all old and fat and whatnot, but not no more! In case you missed it, Don made a return to the big screen in the flicks “When In Rome” and “Machete” and got back into fighting shape and now looks just as good as he did back in the 80′s so, for that, Happy Birthday, Crockett!

Happy Birthday, Amanda Seyfried!

Today is the 25th birthday of everyone’s favorite bug-eyed blonde actress from “Mamma Mia!” and “Jennifer’s Body”, Amanda Seyfried! It’s been quite the big year for Amanda as she had FOUR movies open in theaters in the last twelve months with more still on the way.

With her newest flick “Red Riding Hood” coming soon to theaters, there’s only one thing that matters – she doesn’t make out with Megan Fox in the movie. Oh well, Happy Birthday, Amanda!

Happy Birthday, Kelly Brook!

Today is the 31st birthday of the boobalicious Kelly Brook! To be honest, I really don’t have any clue as to why she’s famous (other than her slut-tastic performance in “Piranha 3D”), but her Wiki page says she’s famous so I’m just gonna run with it.

But let’s not kid ourselves….it’s all about the natural 34E breastesses. Big ol’ thingies! So let’s skip the retrospective and peruse some photos of Kelly on the set of “Piranha 3D” getting all touchy-feely with Riley Steele.

And check out this hip new Funny Or Die video featuring Kelly and her airtight crotch!

Miley Cyrus Turns 18 & Everyone’s Celebratin’!

Miley Cyrus officially turns 18-years old TOMORROW. Now everyone can officially stop bitching about Miley and focus their hatred on Taylor Momsen. Wow, do I hate Taylor Momsen.

The “Hannah Montana” star held a pre-birthday bash over at the Trousdale Nightclub in Hollywood yesterday night after the American Music Awards and kept it quite low-key…..that I know of.

Happy Birthday, Tevin Campbell!

Today is the 34th birthday of one of R&B’s most underrated singers from the early 90′s, Tevin Campbell. Back in 1990, Tevin Campbell made his solo debut on the soundtrack of the Prince flick “Grafitti Bridge” with a track called “Round And Round”.

The success of that track ended up scoring Tevin a record deal and by the following year, he released a semi-successful album (“T.E.V.I.N.”). By 1993, Tevin released his most well-known album “I’m Ready”, co-produced by Babyface and Prince and produced the hit singles “Can We Talk?” and “I’m Ready”.

By the end of the 90′s, Tevin’s singing career pretty much fell on the wayside and hasn’t been in the spotlight since then. But I’ve heard ramblings from places that Tevin’s on the comeback trail so, for that, Happy Birthday, Tev!

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Let’s have a 90′s flashback, shall we?

Happy Birthday, Jessica Lowndes!

Today is the 22nd birthday of everyone’s favorite “90210″ starlet, Jessica Lowndes!

Okay, I’ll admit that maybe I’ve made too much fun of the fact that Jessica looks like a freaky-deaky hybrid between Megan Fox and Leona Lewis. Maybe just a little. But I certainly find her quite hot (a lot hotter than the current Maxim cover girl, to be honest) and I certainly wouldn’t pass her up.

Now, if only she could just fix up those hideously saggy funbags that she calls breasts……

Happy Birthday, Simon Le Bon!

Today is the 52nd birthday of Mr. Simon Lebon, lead singer of the popular 80′s New Wave band, Duran Duran! If ever there was a band that many New Wave artists copied after, it was always a mixture between Duran Duran and Spandau Ballet. But Unlike Spandau, Simon and the boys were more prettier to look at (androgyny was always part of their look) and they just happened to have a string of radio-friendly hits such as “Rio”, “Hungry Like The Wolf”, “The Reflex”, and the theme to the 1985 Bond flick called “View To A Kill”.

If you haven’t been on the Duran Duran wagon since ’85, Simon and the boys are STILL together and doing tours around the world to sold out crowds. I’ve had the chance to see the band in concert in 2005 and Simon has not lost a touch in his step nor in his voice. And for that, Happy Birthday, Simon!

And, of course, let’s have an 80′s flashback, shall we?

Happy Birthday, Vanessa Marcil!

Ah, it’s like being in high school again whenever I mention Vanessa’s sweet name. Today is Vanessa’s 42nd birthday and we at Celebutopia are celebrating like its….her birthday! YEE-HAW!

I still can’t get over the fact that Vanessa’s son has that douchebag, Brian Austin Green, for a father. But, then again, Vanessa’s son has Megan Fox for his step-mom. That boy is WRECKED for life! Anyway, if you haven’t been watching it (I know I haven’t), Vanessa can currently be seen everyday on “General Hospital” reprising her role as Brenda Barrett. Tune in and watch the bitch sparks fly!

Happy Birthday, Jon Secada!

Yeah, it’s Pop singer Jon Secada’s 48th birthday today! I recall very early on in my Gen-X youth the popularity of Jon when he released his first successful self-titled album in 1992 along with the worldwide hit single, “Just Another Day”, on MTV.

“Just Another Day” was a perfect piece of early 90′s Pop that you couldn’t get out of your head and the kind of classic video that MTV USED to play on rotation. To be honest, as much as I loved that song (and how it reminds me of my 6th grade days), I never followed Jon in his follow-up endeavors but, as a nostalgia-lover, I never forgot about “Just Another Day”.

After hearing that it was his birthday today, I looked up Jon to see what he was up to and, to my surprise, Jon is still a semi-successful Pop singer/Producer and was last seen as a dance contestant on the Latin TV show “Mira Quien Baila” (and looking all buffed out for a man his age). I guess he’s still got it going on, so Happy Birthday, Jon!

Happy Birthday, Richard Marx!

Aww yeah, the 80′s train keeps on rolling! Today is the 47th birthday of Pop singer from the late 80′s/early 90′s, Mr. Richard Marx!

The man responsible for such manly Soft Rock hits like “Don’t Mean Nothing”, “Endless Summer Nights”, and of course, “Right Here Waiting” hasn’t had a big hit of his own since 1994 (remember the tune, “Now and Forever”?), but Big Dick still rocks out with sold out shows in the country of Asia where he (apparently) is still a big star. And for that, Happy Birthday, Dick!

Let’s have an 80′s flashback, shall we?

Happy Birthday, Gloria!

Today is the 53rd birthday of Latin Pop singer Gloria Estefan! Now when you think of the name of Gloria Estefan, which songs pop into your head? That’s right, mostly the ones from the 80′s!

I’m gonna make a biased statement and say that Gloria Estefan as a solo singer is NOT as good as Gloria Estefan with the Miami Sound Machine. I mean, seriously, everything she’s done as a solo artist has been nothing but total suckitude! Here, let me quiz you: do you remember the name of the song she did for the ’92 Olympics? Do you remember the name of the song she did for the flick “The Specialist”? And do you even know the name of the song she did with N’SYNC? If you said NO to all those answers then it just proves my theory right.

Gloria’s best days were back in the mid-to-late 80′s when she was with the Miami Sound Machine (and when she still looked hot) and cranked out hit after hit after hit. By today’s standards, some of the songs like “1-2-3-4″, “Conga”, Rhythm Is Gonna Get You” might come off as cheesy but, goddamn it, that shit will get stuck in your head and you don’t know why!

Sure, Gloria hasn’t been relevant in the US market in a really long time but she’s sold a bunch of records in the Latin music genre, but I tell ya, if Gloria wants to regain her crown as the Latin Pop Queen……just get back with the MSM! Other than that, Happy Birthday, Gloria!

Happy Birthday, Kobe Bryant AKA Mr. 5-Time Champion!

And I say that with pride as an LA Lakers fan! Today is the 32nd birthday of the 5-time NBA champion Kobe Bryant! That’s right, I said FIVE not ZERO like Lebron! Kobe has single-handedly bulldozed and earned his way into the NBA history books with a lot of fiery intensity and the heart of a champion. One more ring and he matches Michael Jordan!

Sure, there was that little tiff between Kobe and the Lakers organization back in ’07 but, in retrospect, had he not complained, the Lakers wouldn’t be the 2-time champions they are today, so SUCK IT, haters!

With a three-peat waiting in the wings and a solid new team (plus Phil Jackson returning) to back him up for the upcoming season, Kobe should get ready to polish his fingers for a SIXTH ring.

And let’s remember, Kobe won his 5 championships and MVP trophies without switching teams and not holding a one-hour ESPN special and not getting the cover of GQ Magazine. Just hard work and the will to WIN.