Best & Worst Moments of the Guy’s Choice Awards 2011
Okay, you’ve probably seen the MTV Movie Awards airing ad nauseum on MTV, but did you watch all two hours of the Spike TV Guy’s Choice Awards last night? No? Oh, then you didn’t miss a thing. Other than a bunch of unbleeped cuss words, the show was just a giant “We love our Troops” orgy-fest. Not that it’s a bad thing, but when you got hot chicks in the crowd, the camera should focus more on THEM.
Whatever, let’s just discuss my Best and Worst Moments from this show, shall we?
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BEST MOMENTS
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–SEAN PENN DOES SPICOLI!
Robert DeNiro handed out a Mantler to the cast of “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” and much to everyone’s surprise, Sean Penn was actually there to accept the award AND….ended his speech with a total Spicoli moment!
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–ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY’S AWKWARD KISS
The Transformers hottie won for the “Our New Girlfriend” award and as the camera cut to her reaction, Rosie was leaning in towards Erin Heatherton (her Victoria’s Secret co-worker) to give her a peck on the cheek, but it seemed Erin was going for a full-on liplock in which Rosie quickly just stood up, making Erin “miss” the kiss. I don’t get it, but it was almost hot!
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–MINKA KELLY’S BOOBS
The only good thing worth looking at when it comes to her.
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–TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG
It’s Triump, what do you expect?!?
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WORST MOMENTS
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–JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’S GOD-AWFUL PREACHER MONOLOGUE
Justin Timberlake’s 2-minute “Can I get a Hell yeah, my brothas!” preacher monologue was just so painful to watch. In fact, he sounded more like a frat boy trying to give a speech to his drunk frat brothers at a late-night kegger. Had this speech been given to Samuel L. Jackson, it might’ve been more effective. And funnier. Screw you, Timberlake!
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–CAMERON DIAZ
Why? Just……WHY?!?
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–TWO WORD: JENNIFER. ANISTON.
I’m so sick and tired of this woman. Jen won the award for “Decade of Hotness” (which I humbly disagree for her to win). And to cap off her win, she thanked everyone for making her the most overrated actress on Earth. Hey, if anybody deserves this award more than Jen, it’s mutherfuckin’ Angelina Jolie!
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–JIM CARREY’S INCESTUAL ANAL RAPE STORY
Ah, there’s nothing funnier than to make jokes about anal rape. And Jim totally killed it for himself and everyone else. Sorry, Jim, not funny.
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–BRETT FAVRE’S PENIS INTERVIEW
Why the Hell are we still talking about Brett Favre? Is anyone aware that nobody gives a shit anymore? FUCK!
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–DOUBLE-STICK TAPE
Rosie was the only woman in the entire show that had the lowest-cut dress with cleavage staring you in the face. Unfortunately, Rosie wore double-stick tape which meant NO goddamned nipslips! BOOOOO!!!!
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And there you have it! Two hours of your life you’ll NEVER get back. Like me!
Olivia Wilde Is Finger Lickin’ Good!
First of all, it’s a travesty that Olivia Wilde in her current “It Girl” status still has to do auditions. At this point in her red-hot career, people should be begging HER to be in their movies!
Anyway, the “Cowboys & Aliens” starlet was spotted in Hollywood exiting an audition and then going to a local cafe., where the paparazzi noticed that Olivia strangely switched clothes inside her car. WHERE ARE THOSE PHOTOS?!?
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Y’see that, Revlon? THIS is the girl that should be hawkin’ your lipstick, not that Jessica Alba prude!
Eliza Dushku Busts Out!
It’s about goddamned time this girl showed those cans! And I don’t mean in that stupid-ass G-rated “Dollhouse” way, I’m talking a full on motorboat! The paps snapped Eliza on the set of the TV show “White Collar” where she was heaving the cleavage like a pro.
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Let’s just hope she finally decides to put those goddamned breastesses to good use in more ways than just this.
Ashley Greene Versus Miranda Kerr
I’m torn between these two. Ashley is hot and young and has gotten very naked (in a crude fashion). Miranda’s just as hot and young and has gotten more naked than Ashley (in the more artistic way). The two hotties were all comfy with each other at the 2011 CFDA Fashion Awards last night where I’M SURE these two have NO idea who each other are.
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I’m gonna do more research and browse the naked pics that these two have taken (not together, sadly) for argument’s sake.
Best & Worst Moments of the MTV Movie Awards 2011
Did you watch all two hours of the MTV Movie Awards tonight? No? Well, good for you! This show has NEVER changed it’s format in the 20+ years that its aired and guess what? It’s still the same ol’ bullshit!
Whatever, let’s just talk about the best and worst moments of the show!
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BEST MOMENTS
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This year’s show featured a lot of funny moments. Some were scripted and some were totally spontaneous but I liked it. Scope out my Best Moments from the show below.
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Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis Cop A Feel
The Foo Fighters Rock The House
The “Teen Wolf” cast gets Cut-off during the commercials
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Nuff said!
Robert Pattinson Makes an inappropriate Pregnancy joke towards Bryce Dallas Howard (“I ripped out your head and now you’re pregnant!”)
Emma Stone sings about Golden Showers!
Steve-O says “I Want Him Inside Me!” on the air!
Emma Watson’s Big Ass
Reese Witherspoon makes a Total Blake Lively “nude cameraphone pics” diss!
Alexys Nycole Sanchez wins the “Best Line” award
Kristen Stewart Disses Natalie Portman!
Katie Cassidy Unveils an amazingly FAKE piece of heaving cleavage
Gary Busey Ends the Show!
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WORST MOMENTS
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Believe it or not, there really weren’t that many bad moments. But the ones that were bad REALLY stunk up the place like a giant turd. Scope out my picks for the Worst moments below!
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Steve Carrell’s (really tiring) “Deer In The Headlights” Schtick
Aziz Ansari’s Totally Unfunny Jaden Smith Joke
Blake Lively Stays Fully Clothed (BOOOOOOOO!!!!!)
Tyrese and Jason’s Super Boring “Fast Five” texting vignette
Cameron Diaz and Jason Segal bore the Shit out of everyone with their “Butt-Dialing” skit
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Another thing I noticed was that Brooklyn Decker attended the show, but did absolutely NOTHING. She didn’t present nor did she win anything! WTF?!? Anyway, it was a “Twilight” evening, so they practically won every award. WHATEVER.
Rosie Huntington Whiteley Glams it up For Glamour
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I find it such a goddamned mutherfuckin’ RIP-OFF that I had to buy the latest issue of Glamour with Blake Lively on the cover and she keeps her goddamned mutherfuckin’ clothes ON. Goddamned mutherfuckin’ BULLSHIT!!!
Anyway, aside from having Blake fully clothed on the cover, “Transformers 3″ babe Rosie Huntington Whiteley is also featured and has a nice editorial inside the issue (and, YES, she does have a protruding titty in one of the pics).
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CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE FULL EDITORIAL!
Supermodels Playing Baseball
Victoria’s Secret is probably the ONLY lingerie company that let’s their models go to baseball games and throw out the first pitch. Usually, it was the job of Marisa Miller to do these sporting events but now VS is letting others like Doutzen Kroes (pictured below) to pitch a fastball.
The Dutch supermodel was at the Toronto Blue Jays game earlier today where she threw out the first pitch.
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You’re probably asking, “Did the pitch make it all the way to the catcher? ” Here’s my answer: SHUT UP.
Rosie Huntington Whiteley Gets Complex for Complex
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Now that “Transformers 3″ is on the horizon, Victoria’s Secret supermodel Rosie Huntington Whiteley is going to be on everyone’s lips and everyone’s eyes (and a few stiffies) very soon. The folks at Complex Magazine were able to score Rosie’s first domestic magazine cover complete with a less-than-sexy editorial (compared to the more racier stuff she’s used to doing).
Even though Rosie was Maxim’s #1 girl, she wasn’t given the cover, so THIS would make it her first American cover. And before you ask, YES, Complex asked way too many stupid questions.
Click on the pics to view the bigger version!
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Trust me, if this were an international magazine, Rosie’s titties would be all over each page. I HATE US. Goddamn you all to Hell, Liberal American Media conglomerates!
Jessica Lowndes Rips Off Megan Fox
Buncha copycat whore-bitch-skeezers! Kelly Brook did it last month with her Esquire UK cover and now everyone’s favorite “90210″ actress with the most fucked up breastesses, Jessica Lowndes, is ripping off Megan Fox!
Jessica (and her face) is on the latest cover for FHM UK and is wearing a teal-colored one-piece bikini, which looks VERY similar to the bikini that Megan wore on her Esquire USA article from June 2009.
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I don’t get it, is this supposed to be an homage? Or do these people not think that we don’t remember the stuff that Megan Fox did years back?
Rihanna Glams It Up For Cosmo July 2011
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Rihanna gets so many magazine covers I’ve already lost count. Now she’s on the cover of the July 2011 of Cosmo, which I’m sure is her 10th Cosmo cover in three years (or something).
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CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE FULL EDITORIAL!
Irina Shayk Gets the 3D Treatment on Blu-Ray!
3D boner alert! For those of you that didn’t download the “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2011 3D” special from the PlayStation Store earlier this year (before it all went straight to Hell last April), you’re in luck! The folks at Sony have announced that the SI Swimsuit 3D special featuring Julie Henderson, Alyssa Miller, and cover girl Irina Shayk – which they were filmed prancing around half-naked on the beaches of Maui in 3D – will be available on Blu-Ray 3D on June 7th!
Check out (and click on) the Blu-Ray artwork below!
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The Blu-Ray will go on sale for a low, low price of $19.99! Hey, that’s a lot of flesh for your 3D buck, my friend, and WAY cheaper than “Tron: Legacy 3D”! And before you ask, YES, the flick CAN also be viewed in 2D as well, so save up those pennies!
“Pirates 4: On Stranger Tides” Spoiler “Voodoo” Ending
The new Jack Sparrow movie is now out in theaters! To those of you that plan on seeing the flick, stay until the very end to view a special (but way too brief) coda scene. While the movie itself does present a giant wad of plotholes, there’s still a lot of action to view, a special “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” cameo from Dame Judy Dench and there’s a nearly naked mermaid with a Spanish accent!
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If you already saw the flick but walked out during the credits, then YOU MISSED IT! Click on the link below to read about the special “Voodoo” ending. WARNING, SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!!!
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CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT THE “VOODOO” ENDING
New Still of Rosie Huntington Whiteley in TF3
So far, Michael Bay has only released about two or three Rosie stills from TF3 and none of them were as flattering as the one seen below.
So all she’s doing is wearing a white low-cut dress and getting out of a car (in slo-mo I reckon) IN 3D? YES PLEASE!
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Hey, Megan Fox might’ve had a motorcycle in TF2, but then again, Megan ain’t a supermodel so she couldn’t do the supermodel ass wiggle (and even if Michael Bay asked her, she probably wouldn’t do it). And that’s why I like Rosie!
Bar Refaeli flaunts her Big Booty
If there’s one thing about Bar Refaeli that we’ve seen many, MANY times, it’s her enormous rack. Okay, we get it, you have large tits! But now we get a break from those titties and get to stare at her phat Israeli ass instead.
That’s right, for many reasons unbeknownst to me, Bar got invited to attend various events at the Cannes Film Festival (ironically for her cans?) and she decided to flaunt her ass on the shores of the French Riviera earlier today.
Here, take good cold hard look at her ASS.
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I mean, seriously, what else was she gonna do at Cannes? Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought.
Mel Gibson Pops Up In Cannes
It seemed like a total crapshoot that “The Beaver” star Mel Gibson would not show up at the Cannes Film Festival after director Jodi Foster showed up solo the other day.
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But, lo and behold, he DID make it out to the south of France where Mel sported a rockin’ salt-n-pepper look and not as angry. Nice to see the Mel back!
The Two Good Things About Cheryl Cole
I’m not even gonna talk about what prompted this.
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Okay, MAYBE I’ll watch the American “X-Factor” now.
Partyin’ With Ron Artest
You gotta cut Ron Artest some slack. So maybe the LA Lakers practically melted down in the second round of the NBA Playoffs, but that don’t mean you can stop Ron-Ron from partyin’ hard!
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I gotta admit that the Lakers were a total hot bag of air this season. They started off great early on, then hit a massive slump, got back on their feet after the All-Star break, hit a slump AGAIN at the end, and then practically shit all over their season in Round 2. But I cut Ron-Ron slack simply because he won’t let that stop him from partyin’!
Kelly Brook Suffers Miscarriage
According to various reports in the UK, model/actress Kelly Brook suffered a miscarriage five months into her pregnancy with baby daddy Thom Evans.
They request that everyone please respect their privacy at this very painful time and there will be no further comment
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Apparently, the miscarriage happened late last week but the news was just released this morning.
Kelli Hutcherson Gets Hot & Sweaty for Maxim
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Would it surprise you if I told you that newbie hottie like Kelli Hutcherson got passed over for the current cover of Maxim for Cameron Diaz? IT SHOULD! The MMA Strikeforce ring girl has a hot and sweaty editorial in the issue. That’s all you need to know.
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CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE FULL EDITORIAL!
Maxim Hot 100 of 2011 – The Top 10
The announcement was made last week and everyone knows the Maxim list by now. Victoria’s Secret supermodel Rosie Huntington Whiteley practically swiped the #1 spot without notice while others like Olivia Munn and Cameron Diaz somehow made it on here. I’ll spare everyone on the explanations and just let the list speak for itself.
Sorry it took so long for the scans but here they are! Click on the pics to view the bigger version!
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#1 – ROSIE HUNTINGTON WHITELEY
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#2 – OLIVIA MUNN
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#3 – KATY PERRY
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#4 – CAMERON DIAZ
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#5 – MILA KUNIS
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#6 – BAR REFAELI**
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#7 – ANNE HATHAWAY
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#8 – NATALIE PORTMAN
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#9 – COBIE SMULDERS
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#10 – JENNIFER LAWRENCE
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Thanks for nothing, Maxim Editor-in-Chief Joe Levy!
[**Bar Refaeli scan by VampireHorde]
